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  • That Time I Got Stuck on a Mountain in the Rain (and Still Made it to Dinner)

    Saturday morning, I didn’t have time to hit the gym because I had a hike at 10 a.m. with two people—Angelina and Jussie. We went to Kozan Kalesi (Turkiye), and although it was overcast and thundering a bit, the forecast didn’t show rain for a few hours, so I figured we’d be fine.

    Spoiler: we were not fine.

    Before we reached the top, Angelina recommended we head back down. I’m not about forcing it, and the clouds did look sketchy, so I agreed. On the way down, it started raining and then hailing—instantly making the trail a slippery mess. We got to a point where the path didn’t look clear. Instead of backtracking, I thought I’d try the original route. I’m the dumbest smart person I know sometimes.

    I slipped and slid about 15 feet through thorns and over rocks, eventually stopping thanks to a vine that wrapped around my right foot—holding it mid-air like I was doing a leg lift. I used one hand to cling to a rock, the other to free my leg, all while figuring out how to avoid dropping down a 6–7-foot ledge that would’ve led to a steeper fall. For a split second, I had that feeling—you know the one. Where you realize you’ve messed up, and you’re already bracing for the pain. Somewhere between panic and accepting your fate.

    Eventually, I figured out how to get down. Bloody cuts, bruises, soreness—you name it. But I made it. The rest of the hike down was uneventful, and when we got back to the car, Jussie wanted to grab food. I was in pain but agreed. I’m annoyingly optimistic like that.

    Enter: The Mud Road of Doom

    Google Maps (mis)led us to a café. On the way, hail started again. We took a turn onto what I thought was gravel but quickly realized was just mud disguised by hail. It was raining hard enough that everything looked washed out. As we descended the steep road, the car started sliding. Like… ice-road-trucker sliding. I said, “Fuck, that’s not good,” and threw it in park.

    The incline had to be at least 10%. I had Jussie get out and try to push the nose of the car from the side, but we were stuck. Legit stuck. I tried to scout the road—slipping, sliding—and realized this route should never have been an option, dry or not. No way my little rental Toyota Corolla was making it out alone.

    The only option was to get towed. I explained that to Angelina and Jussie, and Jussie tried to call a tow company, but they didn’t speak English. When he asked, they just laughed and hung up. Oh, and of course: only his phone worked. Mine had no service, and Angelina’s got waterlogged and wouldn’t charge.

    Turkish Problem-Solving

    Angelina had the bright idea to call one of her Turkish coworkers—bless her. Her coworker coordinated a tow truck to come find us. I gave the details, but communication was tricky. A local villager also passed by but didn’t speak English. Unbeknownst to us, that villager called the Jandarma—basically a small-town Turkish police force. They showed up with the tow company. Two birds, one tow.

    First, a local tractor tried to pull us out using a thick cable. But the soil was too soft, and his tires just spun. Even worse, his front tires started lifting off the ground. They ended up calling another tractor (or something heavier), hooked it up in tandem, and finally got enough traction to pull us free.

    Only issue? They were about to drag us straight into a raised dirt wall. I had to yell—not aggressively, just loudly enough—to get them to stop before we hit it. Angelina was behind the wheel but looked nervous, so the tow guy swapped in and reversed the car like a pro—fast as hell.

    We scraped together 1,000 lira (about $26) to tip the villager who had helped us, then followed the tow truck back to the main road.

    Bonus Round: Wobbling All the Way Home

    As I drove, I noticed the car started to wobble around 65 km/h, so I had to take it slow. But somehow, after all that, I still made it home in time for jerk chicken at a coworker’s place. Showered, sore, and limping—but I wasn’t about to let a muddy mountain ruin good food or disappoint my people.

    Of course, when I showed up and told the story, someone had to say,
    “See, that’s why I don’t do that white people shit.”

    Which… is an annoying way we frame a lot of things in the Black community, and a habit I really wish we’d let go of. But that’s another conversation for another time.

    Reflection

    Absolutely—here’s a reflection paragraph you can drop in at the end of the blog post, keeping in line with your voice and the thoughtful tone you naturally bring:

    Looking back, this whole chaotic day was a reminder of how much control is an illusion. I had planned a simple hike, and it turned into an accidental case study in weather, language barriers, group dynamics, and problem-solving under pressure. And yet, I’m not mad about it. There’s something strangely grounding about being forced to rely on others, especially when you’re used to figuring things out solo. That day asked me to trust—trust Angelina’s instincts, Jussie’s strength, a stranger’s kindness, and my own ability to stay calm even when things went sideways. It also reminded me that discomfort isn’t always a problem to solve. Sometimes it’s just part of the story, and that story ends with a shower, a plate of jerk chicken, and a little more clarity about who I am and how I move through the world. But the biggest take away was to pay more attention to the damn weather BEFORE I take my light-skinned ass up a mountain.

  • Statisficing in Relationships

    The Bad Habit of Satifsficing in Relationships

    In everyday decision-making, we all tend to follow a “satisficing threshold”. I’m sure your first question is what the hell is “satisficing”? Satisficing is just a mash-up of “satisfying” and “sufficing”. Your second question may be, “What is this threshold?” The concepts was introduced to me a few years ago in a book titled “Algorithms to Live By” and follows the idea that we – usually subconsciously – set a threshold for what we consider to be “good enough” and will keep on with whatever path we’re on until that changes. Once we cross that threshold, we decide to change course. 

    To give some real-world examples let’s consider two examples, fixing your washing machine and parking. With the washing machine, it may just be a low squeak coming from the agitator, but maybe that squeak gets progressively louder or develops into a knocking; how inconvenient does it have to be before you fix it? I can’t quantify it, but when I can’t ignore it or it starts disrupting my life – otherwise I’ll close my laundry room door. How about parking? How long are you gonna circle that damn lot being frustrated at all the double parkers until you decide to just walk? We could all use it, and it’s like what – a 40-second walk? Enough of these examples, you get the gist.

    As I was reading about this – and other algorithms – all I thought about was how they applied to relationships, so I decided to learn more about them, and the “sacrificing algorithm” is catching it first. 

    First up, picking a partner:

    The first time I downloaded a dating app I was so excited! It was like shopping for my perfect partner and there were going to be so many opportunities for interpersonal connections. I wanted her 5’7″ or less, into hiking and exercise, loved traveling, had the same view of religion, college educated, within 20 miles, etc. I was about to have an amazing woman on my hands. But then I hit “apply”… “no one near you”. Ok ok, maybe I’m asking for a bit much. I suppose I can flex on the college thing, after all, school doesn’t mean we’re intellectually compatible. Still nothing huh? Perhaps I’m being rigid, maybe she doesn’t loooove hiking and exercise, but she does them. Let’s remove that filter and… shit. You know what? Remove all the filters and increase the distance to within 100 miles. Now we’re talking, options:) That’s roughly what I have done at some points, and it usually isn’t what I want, but it provides me options. In this case, I started with my perfect partner and then slowly chose ways to settle until I found someone; mind you I was looking for a specific type, but also for human connection. I don’t know where that threshold is, but it exists. I can’t say that being aware that this is a thing, or having a name for it will make everything better; but, when I know I do something, I’m more likely to try and optimize my behavior.

    Second though, a shit partner:

    I think it would be safe to say we’ve all been in a relationship longer than we should have. That partner that doesn’t clean up after themselves, is terrible with money, gaslights you, or maybe the cheat. Most people have someone close enough to them that they vent to about the relationship, and this person has probably told you “Then leave? They’re clearly not good enough for you. You deserve more”. I’m gonna make a wild assumption here and say that YOU DO! The second wild assumption, you know that… This is where satisficing comes in. “Oh if they cheat one more time it’s a wrap” “They were never taught financial literacy” or whatever other thing you tell yourself. Now I’m judging, but not from a high horse. I’m coming from a place of shared shame, we all do it.

    Funny enough there’s a conceptual formula for this. Decision = Stop when (V(x) ≥ T). V is equal to the value. X is the current option. T is the satisficing threshold. Now it’s conceptual but let’s make it usable.

    I’m in a relationship with my partner and they have a problem remaining faithful. The first thing is to define my threshold, that’s what I need to stay in a relationship. I’m going to go with one marker to keep it easy, let’s say trust. I understand people aren’t perfect so I’ll give this an 8/10. So T=8. For V(x) I’m looking at where things are. They’re a liar and a fuckin snake, but they’re also pretty reliable outside of the cheating thing. So maybe V(x)=4. 

    V(x)≥T or Current situation ≥ good enough threshold. In this case Current trust/4 < Needed Trust/8.

    This is a simple formula and you can complicate it by adding other criteria, but the point is to give you a way to work it out visually. Or you may think it’s the most absurd thing ever that I bothered to write that as a formula. Truth is, whether you think being aware is enough or you are thrilled you have a formula now isn’t what I need you to take from this. The lesson is that we all seek satisficion, but sometimes we deserve optimization. Now go optimize the shit out of your relationship.

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